Friday, February 29, 2008
yesterday it suddenly came upon to me what would happen if he died. and then the tears came so naturally. they say it's okay, not to fear death. maybe we all don't really fear it; we fear how life would be for us if people close to us died. i remember how my grandmother died. and from that day onwards i never wanted to let anyone close to me die. i bought a rose for her; i intend to put it beside her urn. it's a very pretty rose. i don't want him to die. because i wouldn't know what i'd do without him. and then as i thought longer and harder, who's going to be the one there making me smile? it is something like a break up is it not? but at least if it's just a break up, i know i can hope that one day it would be like how it used to be. if he died, would he even know about the million of things i felt and thought about him that i never had the guts to say to him? would he know how much love i have for him, how sorry i am for making him mad, how appreciative i am for all his efforts, how i think his company beats anything else? i want him to know. but im stuck when i have to put all these into words. i just live everyday as if nothing's changed, that everything's just normal. but everything's changed. everyday, everything changes. the way i feel about everything changes within a day. it never stays the same. i can love him so much more within a day. and it could just keep increasing. how can it even be the same? but i want him to know. i don't know how to make him know. i can say all those words over and over again. but the depth those words carry can mean so much more than what he hears. i don't want him to die. i don't want him to ever die.p/s. i would like to trade hearts with you so that you may know how much i feel for you.
- everything's just temporary;
12:59 AM
